Disclaimer: I don't own anything important. End of story.
Summary: Set at the eve of the final battle. When Harry's in doubt, he finds that he can rely on Remus.
Notes: Previously posted at my ff.net profile, under the same name.
Plus, if you like Remus/Harry anything please join up at my brand new community: remarry
Harry stood solemnly in a classroom that now held rows of empty beds. He was staring out the window, watching the horizon that was littered with hundreds of fiery red glows of large camp fires. There were enough of them to sustain an army... and they did. An army of Dark wizards. Hogwarts was silent for no one dared speak. A few people whispered fearfully, but were hushed moments later. A little girl was sobbing into her mother’s robes.
The castle was holding over half of the Light wizards from Ireland and the United Kingdom. And the mountains to the east were the shelter for all dark wizards, creatures, and horrors this side of the Atlantic.
Harry let a shaky sigh escape his lips. The attack would begin at dawn–and he couldn’t sleep. The fates of all these people were riding on his narrow shoulders, and he still didn’t think that he was ready for that burden. Each fire on the mountains suddenly stood for every one of his doubts, and Harry was surprised when he ran out of fires to label.
His thoughts ended at the sound of steady footsteps that echoed through the silent castle. The pace they held was so familiar to him that with each tap on the stones his heart grew lighter. He wasn’t surprised when those footsteps let into the room he occupied and closed the door quietly. Once the person to whom the footsteps belonged to was standing next to Harry, Harry was already feeling more sure about himself. That’s what Remus did to him; Remus had this manner about him that made everyone in his presence calmer.
Harry silently thanked Remus for choosing now to join him. He had just enough time to recognize his doubts, but not enough time that those doubts took over his mind and swallowed his only glimmer of hope. Harry expected Remus to comment on the burden he held, the many people they were up against, how they were outnumbered three-to-one, or how Harry shouldn’t let that get him down. After all, everyone else had said that already. But Remus was never quite like everyone else; one of the things Harry loved the most about him.
“You can see the Dog Star from here,” Remus said.
“It’s comforting to know that he’s watching over us,” Harry replied. He was referring to Sirius, the star that they were looking at. He rested his arms on the windowsill, shifting in the awkward silence. After a few long minutes of that silence, Harry sighed.
“I don’t think I can do this,” Harry whispered softly. His gaze fell to his short fingernails that he had bitten to the point of bleeding.
“I believe you can,” Remus whispered.
“How can everyone be so sure of someone who’s not even sure that he can get out of bed in the morning?” Remus smiled, though Harry didn’t see it, and put his arm around Harry. The physical contact calmed Harry a little and he rested his head on Remus’ shoulder to try and gain more of that peace. “Everyone knows you can do this Harry. And I’m not going to mollycoddle you like Albus does. This will be hard and it will end tomorrow. I don’t care what he told you–that is the truth. And I have every confidence that it will be you who ends it Harry, not Voldemort... You may not be able to see it, but you’ve grown into a good man.”
“I’m no man Remus. I’m not even eighteen!” Harry said for lack of anything else to say.
“After someone has gone through as much as you have and come out with your sense of morals and right and wrong it’d be an insult to call you anything less than a man.” Remus said in his confident, soothing voice.
Harry has nothing to say to that, so he took Remus’ free hand into his own and squeezed tightly. He had never touched the other man this much before, but it was his way of saying thank you to Remus for helping to build his confidence back up. Remus must have understood, because he squeezed Harry’s hand back. They stood at the window, watching the angry fires of their enemy, until Harry’s neck grew sore from the awkward angle. He straightened his neck, but didn’t move his hand from Remus’.
“You said that you think I’ll win this, Remus,” Harry didn’t wait for a response. “Well, I’m almost positive that I agree with you. I’m just scared that tomorrow... tomorrow something will happen to you...” Harry’s nervous voice trailed off.
“That I’ll die,” Remus supplied softly. Harry nodded and swallowed.
“That you’ll die and... and I’ll never get to tell you something.” Harry turned his back to the window and looked up into Remus’ hazel eyes. His eyes were warm and wise, seemingly full of secrets and wisdom that Harry could only hope to know one day.
“What is it you are afraid I won’t know?” Remus whispered. Harry could’ve sworn that there was lust in that voice.
Harry let his hands slide up Remus’ chest and into his silver-streaked hair. He pressed his lips to Remus’ as his eyes fell shut. Remus gasped softly, opening his warm mouth to Harry’s curious tongue. As their tongues battled, the world fell away from Harry. All he could think, feel, hear, smell and taste was Remus. The hands up his shirt, the hair around his fingers, the loud humming noise that seemed to be in his head only that drove all coherent thoughts away. For a moment he knew bliss and its name was Remus Lupin.
They pulled apart with a gasp that seemed to echo off of the bare walls. Harry forced his eyes open to get stare in Remus’ again.
“I wanted you to know that I love you,” Harry panted. Remus kissed his nose.
“I love you too Harry...” he kissed Harry gently. The feel of Remus’ silky tongue made Harry’s knees go weak. “I love you too,” Remus mumbled against his lips.
They stood silently in each other’s arms as they caught their breath. Harry has his head against Remus’ shoulder and was watching the vein in Remus’ neck throb in time with his own heart. He kissed that spot on Remus’ neck, feeling the steady thumping of Remus’ heart under his lips.
“Harry,” Remus whispered. When Harry looked up, Remus cupped Harry’s cheek in his hand. “We could both live tomorrow, or we could both die. I know that I can’t give you the courage you need to win, Harry, but I can give you something else. I can give you my promise that I won’t let them kill me, that you won’t be fighting for a dead guy... But you have to promise me that you won’t let them kill you either,”
“I promise Remus, I won’t let them take me,” Remus smiled and kissed him again.
“And I can give you a moment to think of when all other memories of love have failed you...” Remus said. “Let me show you what love is,” he whispered. His lips were brushing Harry’s, sending shivers and sensations through Harry’s stomach. Remus’ warm breath was filling Harry up. His robes felt heavy and hot and all Harry wanted was the man who was holding him. He swallowed.
“Show me,” he mustered, surprised at how much energy it took for him to say those two words.
Remus gently pulled away and led him to one of the neatly made beds. He dimmed the lights and locked the door, whispering to Harry how much he loved him as he slowly unclasped Harry’s robes.
Across the fields, across the lake, past Hogsmeade, up in the mountains, Voldemort scowled. With each passing minute he could feel Harry’s love and confidence grow, and quite frankly it was making him sick. A flicker of doom passed through his rotted mind, but he ignored it, hissing at Malfoy to fire another round of stunning spells at the giants before they killed everyone and made Potter’s job easier.
Voldemort should have listened to that feeling of doom, for a day later he could feel no more.