I realised I hadn't yet introduced myself here, so here goes.
My name is Merethe, I'm 17 and I'm from Norway. I've been reading/writing slash and fan fiction (mostly slash) since I was 14. I've been through quite a lot of fandoms already, but now I'm firmly stuck in HP and CoN. I haven't dared to post much of I yet, as writing is my favourite thing to do, and I'm very touchy about it... *lol* Okay, that was that... If there's anything else anyone would want to know, just ask! :)
This is my first published Narnia RPS fic, and I
Title: English Fire ~ End of Daze
Fandom: CoN:LWW RPS
Characters: Will, Skandar, Will/Robert Pattinson
Rating: PG-13, for mentions of m/m.
Length: Short, 558 words.
Disclaimer: I do not own or know these people. I do not claim that any of this is real or has actually happened, because it’s just a figment of my imagination. End of story. Please don’t sue me, guys!
Summary: Will is thinking, and does things he doesn’t really want to do.
Author’s notes: Drabble. Started out as a one-shot, but thefloatingbear made me aware that this couldn't be the end, and so I agreed. I use the word `I´ an awful lot, and it feels kind of weird. Narcissistic, in a way. Title is a mix of the titles of two Cradle of Filth songs, because I had no good titles in my head. I wrote this last night (Sunday, 29 January 2006) because I got one of my so-called `writer’s impulses´. This is what came out of that, and I swear, coffee has a long-term impact on me.
Whatever I say, I can’t get away from the fact that I love Skandar like he is family. And I’m lying, I even lie to myself.
If I loved Skandar the way I love someone of my family, I should definitely go and get my head checked. Or, I should probably do that anyway. I shouldn’t feel the way I do about him.
I’m 18 now. Eighteen. Eighteen-year olds do not have a fucked-up sense of their own sexuality. All of that should be long forgotten, I’m sure I should have had at least two girlfriends by now, and I’m sure I shouldn’t have messed around with Robert at that party…
What happened was, I had to go to another of those godforsaken Hollywood parties (except it was in London), I know for sure I had too much to drink and it was warm, crowded, Robert was there and he was available and I was trying to get over myself. In this case, that means Skandar. I was trying to get over Skandar.
Nothing too in particular happened, except I probably didn’t know what I was doing to Robert. Robert is a dear friend of mine, and I wouldn’t hurt him no matter what. If I only knew that he thought there was a lot more to the kisses and the blowjob than…it was. Then I wouldn’t have done it, and would have left the party early and not woken up in a strange hotel-room the day after.
None of this was what I wanted; I don’t want to get into all kinds of stuff just because I’m too damned stupid to not realize Skandar does not want me. I do not say this because I know it for a fact, but because there’s no reason I should believe it to be any differently. If Skandar had wanted to be with me, he would have said so. He’s a driven young man, and I admire him for that.
The first time I met Skandar (Anna and Georgie), I was kind of intimidated by him. I expected him to be shy, or at least quiet, but he was just so intense and committed and threw around ideas and was just…perfect. It’s incredible how he managed to grow onto me just like that, when I’m not a person who easily falls in love. But I did, because Skandar was so entirely different.
I know, I should really deal with this now, but I can’t. If I do, If I tell him, or whatever I’d end up saying, I’m sure I would first make a complete fool out of myself, and when Skandar realizes what I’ve said (which will happen fast, because he is a very bright fifteen-year old.), then it will be all over. Our friendship will die that instant and there’ll be nothing left. His love is something I want, but cannot dare to hope for and definitely not claim, but I’ve got his friendship, and I intend to keep it that way.
All I want, is for my mind to leave me alone. I wish I could lock up all my feelings somewhere neither I nor anyone else could possibly access it and just…give myself a break. It’s almost like I’ve become obsessed, and I swore I never would. Eighteen. It should, at least, be over by now.
Comments/reviews are love! ;)
x-posted to narnia_rpf